The end of the world
by CrossbowPower
Summary: This is a one shot about what I imagine could happen when Daryl finds out Carol is gone. It focuses mostly on his reaction and the dialogue with Rick. I doubt the writters will be following this path, can only hope they do.
1. Chapter 1

I was incredibly upset over last night's episode. I didn't like Carol murdering Karen and David to begin with, felt so OOC, but I totally disagreed with Rick's decision, and I'm worried about our caryl :/

I'm starting to think this season plot won't be following my wishes, so I'm not even sure Daryl will stand up for Carol and go find her or whatever. I hope he does, though, It'd be the most logical thing to happen. But we don't know... :/ so I just needed to write this little thing, which is mostly the dialogue I imagine Rick and Daryl would have when Daryl finds out. I know I won't be watching it next sunday, but that's what FF is for, I guess :)

I hope you like it, let me know what you think!

Let's just PRAY caryl is still on!

S.-

...

Herhsel didn't even stop to thank them as they handed him the bags full of the medical supplies that were, literally, the last chance for more than half of the residents of the prison, Glenn included. He didn't have to say anything, though, just patted Daryl on the shoulder, gratitude filling his eyes to the point they were even watery.

'How is 'im?'

'Holding on… son, just holding on.' Hershel's voice was about to crack, he noticed, but his eyes were still lighted up, and Daryl knew if there was something this old man had, something that had kept them overcoming more than one shitty situation, was hope. This epidemy, though, was pushing every positive thought and wish to its limits.

Daryl just nodded and walked past Bob, giving him a dirty look as he headed inside, his eyes looking everywhere around, _hoping_ he'd bump into her and she'd be alright.

He could picture Maggie running from here to there, giving her father whatever he asked her; Tyresse searching through the bags, trying to make sure his sister got all the necessary elements to be treated, despite Hershel's request to let him manage the medical supplies. The currently unsteady man was just grabbing whatever he could and putting it in his own bag until Hershel had to actually put his arms on his shoulders, obliging him to listen and do as he'd said. Daryl rolled his eyes. There was no altruism, no common-good decisions, there have never been… not back in the normal days nor in this sick world, people still looked after those they cared about first. Just like he was doing right now, trying to find her before doing anything else, he thought.

Carol was nowhere to be seen and he started to get nervous. He doubted she was sick; Hershel would have told him that. _Then where the fuck she was?_ It was strange not to see her helping with the medicines, making sure everyone got what they needed, _caring for the others first._ He saw Beth holding a –luckily- unconcerned Judith, who was laughing and tangling her little fingers on the girl's long blonde hair, so he headed in that direction.

'Where's Carol?' he asked, squezzing Lil' Ass Kicker's cheek.

Beth looked down. And Daryl froze.

'Where. Is. Carol. Beth? Daryl repeated, word by word, his voice coming out with such anger Lil' Ass Kicker started to cry.

Beth glanced up at him and bit her bottom lip. Daryl felt he was seconds away of shaking her shoulders and make her spit the words, if necessary.

'She went on a run with Rick this morning… something happened, I don't know. She's not here'.

He felt his heart spinning then, the prison and the scandalized people walking around becoming a blur. His heart started to beat faster, so fast that he couldn't think straight, he couldn't let his mind process what was Beth telling him. He found himself, after a long time when it came to confront others, acting and speaking before thinking.

'Wha' ya mean, she ain' here? Where the fuck would she be huh?!' he was yelling at her now, and he didn't give a fuck.

Beth remained calm and put an arm on his shoulder. 'I don't know, Daryl. Rick didn't explain it, not to me at least. All I know is she didn't make it back. And I'm heartbroken too, but we don't get to be upset… whatever happened, we will deal with it'.

Daryl roughly pushed her arm away from his shoulder. 'BULLSHIT!' he barked. 'DAMNIT!'

He turned around, walking fast, his eyes only focusing in finding one person, a different one, this time.

...

Daryl couldn't believe it when he finally saw Rick, walking by the crops with Carl. He shook his head in disapproval as he walked. He had just gotten back from a dangerous run, with one clear objective they had succesfully acomplished, while Rick was walking peacefully through his damn crop field, after probably getting Carol killed or having decided to leave her behind. He breathed heavily, putting all his efforts in calming down, focusing not to jump over him and letting all his rage out before hearing what the hell happened.

'Where tha fuck is she Rick?!'

'Daryl…' Rick said, his eyes flicking over his face as he raised both hands, gesturing for him to take it easy.

Daryl ran to him until his forehead was almost pressed with Rick's.

'Where tha hell is she and dontcha fuckin' give me tha' look.'

'Carl, could you leave us alone for a second?' he said to his son without looking at him, his eyes locked on Daryl's.

'Daryl, I need you to sit down for a second, or we won't be able to talk otherwise, and you need to listen to me'.

'she fuckin' dead?' he whispered then, feeling it was the only possibility by now. And he didn't want to look at him, he didn't want to confront the answer to his question.

Rick shook his head, bringing his hand to his forehead and rubbing it frantically.

'She was the one….' – he said slowly – 'Carol killed them man, she was the one who killed Karen and David', he bursted out then, his eyes fixed on the ground, his feet kicking the dust.

'She didn', was all Daryl managed to say, his voice trembling.

Rick looked up at him then. 'She did, Daryl… she even confessed it to me. Said she was trying to protect the group, stop the infection from spreading, told me they were a threat and that someone had to do something about it… she decided to kill them and she did it on her own'. Rick said finally, sounding devastated.

Daryl brought his hands to his head and leaned down. _Focus, think, calm down_, he obliged himself. Like if everything else going on hadn't been enough, like if life hadn't turned into a fucking nightmare again… after laughing at them, making them think they had gone through it, found a place, a home, a new beggining. Bullshit. It was screwed up since the beggining and it would always be. This was all a huge, disgusting joke.

'Why did ya let 'er leave?' he asked Rick then.

Rick swallowed hard and looked behind his shoulder, and Daryl suddenly understood it without him having to say it. He still did:

'I threw her out, Daryl, told her we couldn't have her in after that. I…' –his voice was shaking and his eyes were glassy, but he looked up to stop the tears from coming down- 'I told her she had to leave. Gave her a car, some supplies, she's on her own now'.

Daryl was just staring at him, thumb on his mouth, his face straight, unexpressive, his pupils moving all around, scanning his face.

'I know brother, and I'm sorry… Hell it took everything to'… Rick started to say, approaching him. But Daryl suddenly grabbed him by the neck of his shirt, almost lifting him up as he walked them forward, his mouth a thin line, his eyes filled with rage.

'FUCK YOU RICK! HOW COULD YA DO THA' TO ME? TA HER? GODDAMNIT!' he yelled, pushing him with such strenght they both ended on the ground, Daryl still grabbing him.

'You need to calm down, Daryl, we can talk about it but you need to calm the fuck down', he told him, his voice harsher than before.

Daryl grabbed him even tighter and pulled his face to his. 'Don' ya fuckin' tell me ta calm down as if I was tha fuckin' unsteady one losin' his mind 'ere, ya son 'f a bitch'. His face was so full of rage it reminded Rick those days back at the quarry, and it hit him again how much had the man changed.

Rick put his arms on Daryl's chest and pushed him away from him, sitting on the grass as he watched Daryl standing on his knees in front of him, breathing so fast he was actually panting.

Daryl felt he wanted to kill the unrecognizable man in front of him right now. Beat the shit out of him until he saw him choke on his own blood, until this… this painfull hurt inside him vanished, at least a bit. But most of all, what he really wanted, _needed,_ was to understand him, trying to figure out what in hell made him take this decision that he knew would hurt him this much… after all that happened, after Merle.

'Why man? Why didn' ya wait on us? Wait till we all decided wha' tha hell ta do'.

Rick sighed. 'Daryl, I didn't even know if you were coming back, or when. What do you think would have been decided if we discussed it with the council or whoever? Ignoring the fact that Tyresse would have wanted to kill her right away, could we've blamed him for that? I didn't want them… Glenn, Maggie, Hershel, Beth… Carl… I didn't want them to feel what I felt when she told me. The dissapointment, the fear, even… Carol… _our _Carol…' Rick stopped, shaking his head over and over again as he closed his eyes and frowned, clearly angsted.

'So yer kid shoots a fuckin' unarmed one, fuckin' murder 'im for no reason and we act like nothin' happened... ya tell who ya think ya should tell, Hershel, me…hide it from the rest cuz there's no fuckin' point in them knowin'… we tell ya it sucks but shit fuckin' happens… tell ya it's gonna be alrite… but Carol ain't yer nothin, huh? Ya don' care 'nough 'bout 'er ta give her a fuckin' secon' chance… so ya decide, _on your own_ like ya fuckin' said she did, ta jus' throw 'er out.' He was almost spitting his words to him.

'Come on, Daryl! It's not the same and you know it. He was just a kid… damn, still is… a scared, angry, confused _kid. _We –he said, pointing to his chest, to Daryl and gesturing towards the prison- 'we are grown ups, Daryl, adults. We are suppossed to give the example, for god's sake… all this time… we worked on how we wanted to be, _who _we wanted to be, as a group, as a _family… _we chose humanity, we decide life is worth it, life was the aim but it was never going to be the means. She corrupted that, Daryl. Carol… Carol out of all of us… how would you've expected me to trust her, to give her Judith to look after as if nothing happened, huh? What would you've done, if someone went and killed her? Burned her afterwards?'

'I didn' want ta see it... but it's fuckin' clear ta me now ya know? there ain' no _us _fer ya man… we ain' no fuckin _family… _Judith, Carl... yerself, those are yer family… those are who ya care for in firs' place, I fuckin' understood tha' but reality is tha' tha rest of yer so-called _us… _are people who either interfer or help ya keepin' yer family alive… makin' sure ya all live.. an' tha's all ya fuckin' care 'bout. Ya did it with Shane, hell ya even did it wit' me when ya decided not ta take Merle in… makin' me fuckin' choose... makin' my brotha fuckin' die by choosin' you people… and now ya did it ta her, and ya did it ta me too, again, cuz out 'f all this fuckin' family, she was tha one I cared 'bout tha most, ya fucked on tha', ya fucked _me._' The anger in Daryl's voice slowly turning into sadness as he spoke.

Rick was staring at the sky, which was slowly turning from light blue to shades of pink and grey as the sunset began.

'you never even made a move on her man, I… never knew, for sure, how much or in which way you cared about her'. Daryl made an annoyed growl and Rick hurried to speak 'I know you do, I know you care a lot… I'm just saying that I didn't know you did in _that _way', Rick mumbled.

'JESUS, RICK! So since I wasn' fuckin 'er then it fuckin' means I should shrug and move on? means I got no fuckin' reason ta give it much thought? Wha's wrong with ya, fer christ's sake? THAT WASN'T YER FUCKIN' CALL!' His voice was raising up again, anger overcoming the sadness.

'I'm sorry, brother… and I know you can't think about it right now, but she did murder those people… you would have never agreed on that, you should have seen her, man… she's changed, I don't know who she is anymore. You should have seen her out there in the run, her face straight, no sign of guilty… anywhere... we ran into these couple… they seemed good, nice, they never made it back to us and she didn't even frown. I've seen that look before, Daryl… that _indifference_, I know where it leads to… you just weren't there man'.

'Yer fuckin' ghosts are still behin' ya, she ain' fuckin' Shane. And I ain' yer fuckin' brotha'. He spitted on the ground.

'All I'm saying is… she's changed. And not for good. It breaks my heart, Daryl, you don't know how much… it broke my heart, having to do that… she was like a damn sister to me', Rick spatted, his eyes turning watery again.

Daryl chuckled, sarcastically. 'So she changed! Don' ya tell me! She changed in tha fuckin' zombie outbreak, havin' had ta make hard calls… Ya wanted her ta be tha condescendin', weak woman huh? Felt safer tha' way, wit' er cookin' and doin' fuckin' laundry fer everyone.' He gave Rick a dismissal look. 'Where tha hell ya left 'er?'

'Back in that nice neighborhood, about 12 miles north from here… she was driving… don't know where she could be right now. She turned strong, Daryl, capable of making on her own. She's going to be fine, she's going to make it', he muttered, eyes still fixed on the ground.

'Ya keep convincin' yerself ya haven't sent her ta death like ya have, lie ta yerself ta keep yer conscience alrite. No one can make it on their fuckin' own anymore Rick, not even you, not even me. Only a matter of time till' she goes down, could be one day, could be months, it's a fuckin' fact anyways. Not gonna sit 'ere an' wait though'. Daryl stood up, grabbing his crossbow with him.

'What are you doing?' Rick said, looking up, although he already knew, of course. He probably knew it from the beginning.

'Fuckin' findin' er... tha's wha' I'm doin'… doubt I'll be comin' back.'

Rick stood on the ground, watching Daryl's frame as he left, his crossbow on his back. The tough redneck who happened to surprise everyone in these last years, earning a place, a place that had started to become even more important and valuable than Rick's. It wasn't about his tracking or hunting skills, his ability to put walkers down, but rather about his loyalty, his kind heart behind that hard shell, his altruism, his genuine care. He had never been no henchman for him, he was actually more like a brother. He layed on his back and looked at the few stars that were starting to appear. He had exiled Carol, now his brother was leaving after her, because that was who he was, because she was a lot of things to him, too. His family was quickly falling apart.

It was the damn end of the world, indeed. 


	2. Chapter 2

I'm anxious about sunday so I figured I'd write another chapter for this! It's probably going to turn into a 3 chapter story, we'll see!

Also... I hate the writers decision of making Carol kill those two, feels extremely OOC to me; but since I think it's pretty much a fact already I decided to move around that idea, see how Daryl might take it.

I hope you like it! R&R!

Hugs.

S.-

...

2.

Daryl felt relieved when he saw Michonne's frame killing some of the walkers behind the fences. She was probably the only person who wouldn't demand an explanation as to why and where he was heading to when it was already dark, and that was a good thing because he didn't feel like dealing with people minding about his god damn bussiness right now.

He supposed Rick hadn't told the rest of the group he'd banished Carol, or the reasons why he decided to do it, and he wondered if he was actually going to be honest about it, since he sometimes tended to keep some information to himself, like that time when he hid from everyone they were all infected. Daryl didn't know what was better though: on one hand, it would be unfair for Carol if he just told them she died or he lost her on the run… it wouldn't bring the group the possibility to question Rick's decision; but then again, he wasn't sure how the group was going to react if he told everyone Carol had actually killed David and Karen. Some of them, at least, might even agree with what Rick's done. Tyresse wouldn't, definitely, but because he'd want to blow her brains out or rip her open or something. But what about the others? What about him? How was he feeling about Carol having killed those people? He didn't feel capable of thinking about it right now, not until he found her, not when there were much important things to worry, like her, all by herself outside those gates.

Michonne didn't react nor turned around at the sight of Daryl ready to take off in his bike, but he needed her to open the gate from him, so he whistled at her.

'Yow, could ya open it fer me?'

She looked at him over her shoulder. 'thought it was _you_ who said the track's gone cold.'

'Yea, ain't tha reason why I'm leavin', he mumbled.

'Can't wait til' dawn?' she asked, sticking a knife on a walker's forehead.

'Nope'.

Michonne moved to the gate and started to open it without any more questions. Although she was glancing at him with curiosity, she still didn't say a word. The woman was discrete and respectful of people's personal space and issues, just like he was, which had been the main reason why they had gotten along so well on their time looking for the governor these last months.

'Need help out there?' she asked, killing the few walkers that were trying to get inside.

'I'm good, ya stay 'round, they need ya 'ere', he told her, and gave her one last nod before leaving the prison.

...

The air was cold as Daryl drove his motorcycle away from the prison, the chill somehow getting under his skin and running through his spine. He was trying hard not to let his feelings interfer, not to think that although he didn't know what was going to happen, there was a chance he may not go back there. Might not see Rick again, lil' Ass Kicker… the closest to a family he's ever had, might never find out whether the meds helped people get over that epidemy… whether Glenn survives or dies along with the others. But Carol… well… she was more than family to him; it had been for her… because of her, that he never left the group to begin with; she'd been the glue that'd stuck him to them, the reason underneath his slow but evident change, because whatever it was that she'd seen in him, it had encouraged him to let it out. She had encouraged him to be that person he didn't even know he was.

Daryl had always thought an important part of that bond was due to the fact this zombie outbreak had actually changed them both for good. Maybe because their lifes were already a fucking apocalypsis before a global one took place. Funny thing, to call it some way, was their changes happened in exact oppossite directions: Daryl becoming softer, Carol becoming tougher. And in between, they had found each other… her showing him he had a heart, a good one actually, him making her believe she was far away from being an useless bitch. That beautiful bond between them, that genuine friendship, Daryl couldn't deny they had begun to fill it with something else too, something he wasn't familiar with and that scared him almost as much as thinking about that huge herd Carol might step into if she wasn't cautious. For him, it started to happen maybe after Sophia came out from the barn, in the form of a desperate need to protect her first, but then it'd been his eyes lingering over her a little longer than necessary, his attempts to fight the idiot grin that spreaded on his lips whenever she teased him and flirted with him, like that first night in the prison. And during these last 6 months, in which the false sensation of peace and calm had taken over the whole group, they'd grown even closer, to the point that whenever he wasn't hunting or going on runs or she wasn't teaching the kids, they'd simply spent their times together. They'd take watch, talking about all sorts of stuff or just sitting in silence next to the other, and he wouldn't flinch no more whenever she made physical contact with him, which came usually as a gentle pat on his shoulder or a small hug… there were times she'd even lay on his lap, her eyes closed, and he'd take the opportunity to study each of her features as the night went by, maybe even gently stroke her hair if he was feeling bold. That urge he didn't quite understand had also grown along with their relationship and sometimes he'd even seriously considered shoving her against a wall and just let it go.

...

Daryl thought one of the reasons he was prepared for surviving in a zombie apocalypsis was his ability of thinking about many things at once. So less than a few hours ago when he was fighting not to punch Rick to death, he'd also been trying to figure out back in his head in which direction Carol might have gone. The first thing he came out with was the farm, of course. Simply because Sophia's grave was in there, keeping whatever remained of her. But then he remembered her words: '_that's not my Sophia, that's some other… thing'_, and he changed his mind. He started to freak out as he realized Carol had never been out there much, so she probably didn't know about the best places to head to, if there was such thing as a good place to hit if you were on your own too. He figured it'd been 5 or 6 hours since Rick left her, so she could be any fucking where, and he decided the best thing to do was going to that cul-de-sac and trying to track her from there.

He pulled away from the road when he reached the neighborhood where Rick and Carol had spent their last moments together, feeling he needed to calm down and think straight for a few seconds, the realization of how difficult and even unlikely finding Carol was going to be hitting him hard. Walkers were all around and they were even more than in the daylight, probably fond of the dark and night as most creepy creatures. 'FUCKK!' he growled, which caught the attention of a few that started to head in his direction, but he quickly stabbed two of them with his knife before jumping on his bike again.

SInce he couldn't think of a better plan, he just drove along the highway Carol might have taken, checking in every turn-off that leaded to small house groupings or villages to see whether she'd found shelter in one of them. It was close night by now and there was still no sight of her, or of any living thing for that matter. He was starting to get frustated, cold sweat running down his temple and his eyelids growing heavy; after all he had been on that stressfull run and he was exhausted, but he couldn't stop right now. There was the chance she'd decided to keep going and she'd be too far gone by the morning if he did.

And then he heard it. A loud, constant noice coming from his left. He stopped the bike and tilted his head as to hear better: someone was playing damn loud rock music somewhere nearby. He inmediately started the bike and took the perpendicular road from where the music was coming. He recognized the place even before the first houses appeared: it was that small village Rick and Glenn had gone to find Hershel that day they bumped into Randall and the other guys. He had even been there himself, once or twice in search for supplies, but it'd been so long ago and so many things'd happened, it felt like the memory belonged to some other life of his.

Music was becoming louder and he finally sighted the source of noise: right there in the middle of the street, in front of the local pub there was a car- her car, the car Rick had left her with-, with some cd playing, doors wide opened, including the trunk's, and a bunch of 20 or 25 walkers all around it. And he smirked, for the first time in the whole day. _Smart,_ he thought, as he tried to slowly approach, because there was also the chance someone else had caught her or something, or that she'd had to run for some reason. He breathed in relief when he saw only one pair of footsteps that went from the driver's seat to the corner of the road. And they were pretty fresh, too. He thought the music was actually a blessing since the walkers weren't able to hear him right there on his bike, and he drove to the road's corner to check where the footsteps went from there. _Oh damn yea_, he thought. They continued to the left and leaded right to a front yard.

Front door was locked. Good sign, definitely. He walked to the back of the house and saw a window that apparently led to the kitchen. The glass was broken and he barely fitted in, but he quickly jumped and sneaked inside, silently cursing as some glass splinters pierced his skin. The room was absolutely dark and he held his lantern on his mouth, knife on his left hand and crossbow on his back as he cautiuosly walked in. The kitchen led to a living room and he spotted to walkers laying on the floor right next to the front door, so he headed towards them and leaned in. They had been taken down with a knife pretty recently, fresh blood still spreading from one of the walker's temples. His heart started to beat faster as he recreated the scene on his head. She might have stepped inside the house, probably ready to fight one Walker or two… first one went down easily but he could tell from the tracks she had struggled a little with the second. It had to be Carol… there was no other way. It was too much of a damn coincidence with her car outside and the same pair of footprints all over the room.

He followed the tracks and frowned in confusion as he realized they dissapeared right next to a big carpet. This was pretty fucking weird… unless… he anxiously kicked it away, and then he saw it: there was a basement in the house. Daryl smiled again. Damn woman wasn't only smart… she was also fucking lucky.

'Carol…' he whispered, his heart jumping out of his body just by the possibility of her appearing right in front of him in any second. He knocked the basement door lightly, leaning his ear against it, but he didn't hear a thing so he started to freak out, again. He couldn't help noticing how this was way too similar to that time back in the prison, when he'd found her hiding in the thombs, the exact same fear of what he might find when he opened the door running on his veins. _Fuck it_, he thought, and slowly lifted the door up.

He heard it then. A loud noise. And then another. He quickly slided down the basement, groping with his feet until he felt the stairs, and before he started to go down, he saw her, standing downwards, shakily holding a lantern in one hand, her knife in the other, her eyes wide and fixed on him, the pale skin of her face full of scracthes and bruises.

To touch her. It was the first thing he felt he needed to do after running downstairs. Touch her to see if this was real, if _she _was still real, standing right there in front of him, in one peace, alive. His eyes flicked all over her face as he tried to say something but couldn't manage his voice to come out; and apparently neither could she, because she was just staring at him, her lips parting as he slided his thumb down her cheekbone.

'_Carol…'_, he mumbled then, and it was all it took. She collapsed against him, her arms wrapping around his neck as she bursted out crying a deep, painful cry.

'Shh..', he said, trying to hold back tears of his own that were threatening to come down his eyes too. 'Shh, it's ok… I found ya, it's ok'. He rested his chin on her head and softly stroked her hair, closing his eyes and letting the breath he'd been holding since he left the prison come out.


	3. Chapter 3

Here is the final chapter of this story, which I loved writing, by the way.

So we don't know what's going to happen in the show, but we have FF to imagine and read infinite endings! that is pretty cool.

I hope you like this and thank you so much for all who R&R this story. It means a lot to me, as it does to most of us throwing our little stories here :)

Hugs!

S.-

* * *

'What are you doing here Daryl?' she asked him once her sobbing started to stop. Her head was still resting against his chest, the front of his sleeveless shirt covered in her tears by now.

'Whatcha think I'm doin' ere huh? Ain't lettin' ya jus' go'.

Carol pulled away, shaking her head frantically while she brushed her hands over her arms. She walked back until she hit a wall, and when Daryl moved towards her she raised her hand up motioning for him to stop.

'I did kill them Daryl… I knew you would think I didn't', she said, looking up to the ceiling and chuckling, 'but I did'. She let out a deep breath. 'I regret it because it didn't stop the infection from spreading, but ín that moment… I just thought there was the chance it did'.

Daryl just nodded quickly, sucking on his thumb. He lifted his eyes up and glanced at her. 'didn' stop ta think 'bout that when I came fer ya'.

She slided against the wall until she ended up sitting on the floor, leaning her back against the cold cement. 'Am I losing my mind, Daryl?' she asked, her voice trembling. 'Are we all? He didn't even flinch, you know? he just sent me away, told me he wouldn't take me in, not even it if was just him and his kids… like if he didn't know who I was anymore... but isn't it what we've been doing? Holding onto chances? I won't say it was a mercy kill, because it wasn't, but when I walked in Karen's cell, she holds my hand, gives me this desperate look… And all I could think about… was it could be you next, could be Carl, Jude, the girls…'

Daryl slowly walked forward and kneeled in front of her. 'I'm thinkin... fer Rick, it wasn' bout what was done, was 'bout who did it'.

Carol fixed her eyes on him, which looked even bluer under the lantern's light. 'How are we expected not to change in this world?'

'We ain't… there's jus' differen' ways of changin' and tha' is wha' Rick's damn scared of'.

'Are you?'

_I was jus' scared of never seein' ya again.  
_He didn't say it aloud though. He just shifted his position so that he was sitting indian style now, his elbow on his knee and his hand on his chin as he traced random patterns on the basement's floor with his free hand. He knew how this world did in fact change you and being where he was right now, having ran like he had with the desperate need of finding her, was the imminent proof of it. But she wasn't asking him that. She wanted to know how he felt about what she'd done.  
And as he thought about it he found out another new thing about _this new world_: he didn't care right now. Or he did, but it wasn't the most important thing in this moment. Because she was safe and sound right there in front of him. _ So caring that much for someone else made you somehow fuckin' selfish._

'Daryl? it's really important for me… knowing how you feel about what I did'. He realized he hadn't answered her question and her voice brought him back to where he was, where they both were, and most of all… why.

Some time ago he'd have felt uncomfortable with anyone asking what he thought about shit, just because until the world had gone to hell he didn't think his opinion could count at all… but with people and mostly Rick relying so much on him over the last years, he'd became used to saying what the hell he thought by now.

'I think ya had a reason ta do wha' ya did… it jus' didn' fuckin' work, and it had a big cost I'm jus' not sure ya was aware of when ya decided ta do it… I won't say I agree wit' what ya done Carol.. jus' like I don' fuckin' agree with a whole lotta decisions the others take… but I understand why ya did it an' it don' turn ya into someone different, at least not fer me.'

'I do know what I've done, Daryl, and I knew where it could lead to… believe me, I did. And the guilt, the regret from time to time… the lost… the looks they give me in my head, damn, every single thing… I thought about them all. It's all I think about.' Her voice came out in a whisper, because she felt that if she said it louder then she'd start crying again. 'and it's for me to deal with, cause I won't say I don't regret doing it… then again, that doesn't mean I wouldn't do it again if I had to, as weird as it sounds'.

'Ya didn' have to put all tha' fuckin' weigh on ya'.

Carol chuckled, her mouth curling on one side. 'I killed two people, Daryl. It's the least I can do, carry with it. It is… I hope, the difference between a sane person and an insane one'. Her mind instantly went to Shane.

'We've all been there, woman. We all carry some fuckin' heavy shit.. and if it isn' wha' we've done ourselves, it's 'bout wha' the others had ta do for us to be 'ere.. hell, Carl wouldn' be alive if Shane hadn' kill Otis back on the farm… don' ya think Tyresse would sacrifice me, fer instance, if that meant Sasha lived? I know it ain't no damn easy thought… but every single life in 'ere's damn filled with other people's blood. And in the end, we got ta fuckin' choose'.

Carol just nodded, speechless at how Daryl was once again the only one who could deeply understand her… all those things he told her the exact ones she thought about when she decided to grab that knife.

'But that hurts too, you know? it hurts how Rick suddenly turned me into a threat he chose to just throw away'.

He didn't want to think about Rick as much as it was inevitable not to, rage taking him over whenever he brought his name in his mind. He knew that anger also hid how hurt he felt over the man's call. He didn't put those kind of labels to relationships but he considered Rick his friend, his very first friend even. And having decided to banish Carol had been like spitting on his face, showing him how little he also cared about him. He just wished the man had had the guts to just recognize it.

'Yea..' he said, shaking his head as to push those thoughts away. 'as much as we owe Rick, he don' make the fuckin' right decisions most of the time… haven' for a while... steps outta leadership then gets it back wheneva feels convenient? tha's why we're goin' back ta the prison, deal wit' this the way it should've been done ta begin wit'.

Carol froze, just hearing the word making her feel that prison was a foreign place to her now.

'Daryl, I can't go back there, not after how Rick handled the whole thing… they won't want me there'. She knew those were Rick's words, but they'd stuck on her so hard she believed them now.

Daryl rolled his eyes impatiently. 'Ya can, and ya will… and whoever doesn' like it will come talk ta me…be remindin' 'em a few things'.

'No, Daryl… I'm not going back there. I'm not going back', she repeated, blinking several times. 'You are, though, you are and you have to promise me you'll take care of Mica and Lizzie, make sure nothing happens to them, make sure you keep the promise I had to break'. Tears were starting to fill her eyes, but she fought hard not to let them fall. She did let a few out when Rick banished her, but as soon as she got in the car she promised herself she wouldn't cry no more over this. She did what she did and she'd accept the consequences. After all, she'd lost worse. _Hadn't she?_

'Can't promise ya anythin'. Ain' goin' back there without ya'.

'You have to, Daryl… you _are _going back, you don't have to worry about me... I'm going to be fine.' There was a tear rolling down her cheek now, and she whipped it off with the heel of her hand, annoyed by its presence. Annoyed at how, deep inside, the idea of him not leaving her was just so comforting she was steps from breaking down and accepting he just stayed.

_I won't be fine. _He hated himself for not being able to just say it out loud, not even under these circumstances. He brought his hands to his hair and stroked it fiercely. 'damn, Carol! I won't be fine if ya ain' there ok?! I jus' fuckin WON'T.' It came out as a yell, and he saw her actually jump a little at the sudden change in his tone.

'I'd never allow that Daryl… you can't leave them, you've earned your place there, it's where you belong… that place… I just lost it… I'm not one of you anymore'. He shook his head, starting to feel pissed at how little she thought he cared about her. He bit his bottom lip so hard he could taste the blood. 'Ya don' understand, do ya?… All 'f this… it had been cuz of ya. Yer the reason I never left ya people ta begin wit'. If ya ain' gonna be there then I sure as hell don' wanna be either'.

The words flew out of his mouth and now they were echoing nonstoply all over the air. Or it felt like they were. The atmosphere in the room, somehow suddenly changing as she lifted her head up and stared at him, her eyes wide. But his gaze was fixed on the floor and his face was burning red, because it was the first time he put in words and said aloud how important she was for him. In his life, before and after, he had never been afraid: he'd take his ol' man beats, he'd fight a herd of walkers and get out of it without a scratch, he'd climb a hill with an arrow stuck on his side… he'd take all that, but he just couldn't seem to comfront whatever look she might be giving him for what he'd said.

'What does that mean?' she said, her voice turning into the soft and sweet tune he knew so well.

'Means I don' wanna go anywhere if ya ain' goin wit' me... and it ain' only 'bout ya Carol.. I didn' come ta look fer ya jus' ta protect ya.. I did it cuz _I _wouldn' fuckin' stand it if somethin' happened to ya. Couldn' fuckin' stand bein' away from ya even if I knew ya was alrite… I did it cuz of _me _too.'

The urge of searching her eyes became huger than the shame and fear of what he might see in them, and as he slowly lifted his own to reach them, he suddenly felt he just couldn't stop talking.

'it's tha damn apocalypsis, could have fuckin' lost ya or die maself any damn day… almos' happened today and you'd jus' have never known…'

'I would never know what?' she whispered, her eyes piercing his own as her lips parted, maybe in surprise, maybe in fear, maybe in rejection.

Had he been a ladies man, had he had a pair of damn balls, he knew this was supossed to be the moment in which he just leaned over and kissed her, for fuck's sake. Press her against him and run his hands all over her body just as he'd fantasied so many nights on the perch. But he was none of that but rather a frightened idiot right now, so he just stared at her, uncertain of what the fuck to say and what the fuck made him tell her all that a few seconds ago.

'I.. huh', he began, dropping his gaze to the floor. 'tha' yer damn important ta me, in some crazy ways I don' even begin ta understan'.

Her eyes were flicking all over his face. He could fucking feel them. Hell, he could even hear his heart beating like crazy and he knew she most likely did too. But all of a sudden, she just threw her arms at him, with such strenght he almost fell back. He supported himself with his hand because her whole body was over his lap now, her chin resting on his shoulder as she held him tight against her, but this felt different somehow. It didn't feel like a comfort hug, like how he'd held her when he found her, it just felt… _different. _

He unconsciously made a sound in the back of his throat, probably caused by the skin of her cheek so close to his they were almost pressed against each other. But she pulled her face back then, and _oh damn, _fixed her eyes on him, her lips just inches from his… and after all that happened, smiling slightly. He swallowed hard, thinking all he wanted right now, all he needed… was that smile on her lips to just remain there, so he lifted his hand and moved it towards her face, his fingers barely brushing over the corner of her lips. He saw her close her eyes and press her own hand over his. When she opened them again, they were somehow darker, intense. And her gaze was going down his lips and back to his eyes as she slided her tongue off her mouth and _fuck, _licked her bottom lip. He didn't know what took him over then, but his hand moved to the nape of her neck and he just leaned in as he pulled her face towards his at the same time, their lips meeting in between.

Electricity ran over his veins as their lips brushed against each other over and over, her hands tangling in his hear, pulling him to her even though they were already impossibly close to each other. But somehow it just didn't feel enough. He moaned slightly at the softness of her lips, and then he felt her tongue trace his bottom lip and he opened his mouth, his own tongue meeting hers in the way and stroking it, slow and paced first. This was feeling so insanely good he didn't even care about her noticing the evident reaction his body was having over her kissing him like this, his hands running down her arms and then gripping her sides roughly when she bit his bottom lip, a growl escaping his mouth, their tongues meeting desperately right after. And he found himself starting to crawl over her, her own body sliding back until her back was pressed against the wall. He grabbed her chin with both of his hands and kissed her fiercely, their tongues going back and forth and tangling together unceasingly. He felt himself panting and urged for air but there was no way in hell he was stopping this. It was her who pulled away a few seconds later though, her face blushed and her own breath unsteady as she lifted her eyes up to meet his, a damn gorgeous smirk on her face.

'I'd have ran away myself if I knew I'd get to kiss you'.

'Shut up', he said, blushing a little but giving her a half smile of his own. 'ya threw yerself at me, gave me no damn choice'.

And they were teasing each other like they had been doing for a while now, after all that happened and with all that might be coming right around the corner; after all she did… it didn't even feel like she'd been thrown away from home anymore, because her heart was beating so fast it was showing her were her home actually was.

He moved to rest his back against the wall and next to her, sliding his arm around her and pulling her to his chest.

'There's so much we need to figure out, Daryl… what are we going to do, where are we going to go…' she mumbled, sighing against his chest.

He stroked his hair lightly, exhaustion starting to win him over.

'We're gonna be fine… whateva we decide, even if it's jus' tha two of us… we'll figure it out, when tha sun comes up'.

'Daryl?'

'Hmm?' he mumbled, fighting to keep his eyes open.

'Those crazy things you said you felt… I feel them too, I bet you knew that already… but I have, for a while now'.

He closed his eyes, and smiled. 'I do now.. it''s how I know we're gonna be alrite'.


End file.
